Our frontal lobe is such a crucial part of our brain that can enhance character development and increase our emotional intelligence. Make sure you read Frontal Lobe - A Key Component of Emotional Intelligence to gain a full understanding of its importance. This region of our brain is responsible for some very important things such as moral reasoning, critical thinking, planning for the future, decision making, impulse control, and the will. Essentially the frontal lobe houses our very character. It develops slowly in children, amps up its growth during the teenage years but does not fully mature until around a person’s late 20s to 30s.
Who wouldn’t want their children to have optimal functioning in this area? Knowing that young children don’t have this part of their brain fully functioning yet can help us understand why they fly off the handle when their sock “isn’t doing well” as my 3 1/2 year old would say when she is trying to put a sock on that is stuck on one of her toes and isn’t budging. While we have to meet children where their frontal lobe development is at, I believe it is never too early to teach them about this area of their brain and its importance. Some professionals might say that teaching this brain anatomy could even help children to understand their ‘reactive tendencies’ and potentially reduce some outbursts by cueing them to slow down before they react.
One tangible way to introduce this concept is to explain “the hand model of the brain”. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a psychiatrist, and researcher came up with this model and explains that “if we can see in front of us what’s going on in the brain, then we can change what the brain does.” Check out his detailed explanation of the hand model of the brain here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74Oxw
(Disclaimer: Dr. Siegel is an evolutionist and while I highly respect his work and research, I believe there is a Creator of this universe who uniquely designed our brains and shaped us to be intelligent beings in His image; Gen 1: 26-27).
It is exciting to think that we can teach kids, even as young as three and a half, about how our emotions can try to override the frontal lobe, allowing us to “flip our lids”. Showing them helps make sense of what goes on in their brains.
We can introduce the frontal lobe, explain how it is growing and maturing as they age and teach them ways we can strengthen it. It will get stronger the more we engage and take care of it such as eating healthy, exercising, listening to good classical music to name a few. We can begin to teach children that the frontal lobe is the part of the brain that helps us check our thoughts and decide whether or not what we are telling ourselves is true and accurate. It also can help calm us when we are about to “flip our lid”.
Teaching my girls (2 and 3 & 1/2 years old) the hand model of the brain.
Have regular conversations with your kids about lifestyle choices and habits that turn the frontal lobe off (t.v., screen time, alcohol, etc.) and what turns it on (puzzle time, reading, playing outside, gardening, eating healthy, etc.). Pretty soon they might be coaching you.
We can help our children engage their frontal lobe even during strong emotions. Find out Ten Steps To Calm Your Child’s Strong Emotions in detail by clicking on the article.
Here is a brief summary below:
If your child is too “wound up” encourage him or her to take a “break” or “cool down”. Some children may not want this option because they want you to help them regulate their emotions.
Work at fixing the “emotional problem” first and look to connect with your child at this moment.
Ask questions and listen.
Validate the child’s experience without judgment.
Once the child is visibly more calm start problem-solving. Think of this conflict as an opportunity for connection. Encourage forward-thinking by having the child help you problem-solve for future situations. This engages the frontal lobe.
If your child is still visibly upset, abandon step 5 and jump to step 1 OR get him or her moving physically for behavioral activation.
Once you helped your child brainstorm and problem-solve for the future, you can add suggestions.
‘Catch them being good’: Your greatest tool is AFFIRMATION!
Go easy on yourself as a parent. Watch out for negatively labeling your own parenting or your child.
Lastly, have fun finding activities that will strengthen frontal lobe growth in your children such as puzzle time, reading while asking them processing questions, and playing interactive therapeutic games (check out some from my Games, Toys & Tools resources page).
References:
Siegel, D. J. (2012). Dr. Siegel presenting a hand model of the brain. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74Oxw
Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York: Simon & Schuster
Siegel, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child. New York: The Random House Publishing Group.