According to Wikipedia, emotional intelligence (E.Q.) is, "the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal(s).” 1
After reading a definition like that, who wouldn’t want to learn more about how to improve their E.Q.?
One of the reasons I’m so passionate about teaching E.Q. to others, especially to children, is because it is not only crucial for their social and individual development, but because studies have shown that having a high E.Q. is perhaps a greater indicator of future success than having a high I.Q. 2
What are some characteristics of those with high E.Q.?
Individuals with high E.Q. generally:
can control their impulses and emotions
are trustworthy
are honest
are conscientious
are dependable
are responsible
are flexible and adaptable to change
are open to constructive criticism
have innovation, novel ideas, and new approaches
are aware of limits to their abilities and have reasonable expectations
To summarize, people with high E.Q. can recognize their emotions while expressing and working to manage them. They often have insight into others’ feelings and work to understand the views of others even if they disagree with them. They also develop the skill of delayed gratification for the reward of a greater good, often seeing the bigger picture. Finally, "those with high E.Q. are more likely to motivate themselves to achieve goals and maintain a positive but realistic attitude.” 3
According to Dr. Neil Nedley, there are 5 basic components of emotional intelligence:
Recognizing our emotions
Managing our own emotions
Recognizing emotions in others
Managing relationships with others
Having goals and motivation towards achieving them 3
In addition to the steps listed above, there are factors that impact your level of emotional intelligence.
Factors that affect emotional intelligence:
Age - Emotional intelligence can be understood as one having emotional maturity. Having high E.Q. involves the use of the frontal lobe which doesn’t reach full maturity and development until a person’s early 30s. However, children can be easily taught this skill even at a young age.
Hereditary - Your genes play a role but E.Q. is mainly learned from the parents or caregivers of the child.
Childhood experiences & traumatic events - E.Q. is difficult to learn and develop in these situations but not impossible.
Entertainment-type television - watching excessive T.V. could increase limbic system functioning and suppress the frontal lobe resulting in impaired E.Q. The American Association of Pediatrics advises minimizing screen time under the age of five and completely avoiding it under the age of two. 4
Current emotional support - Having a support network of people who provide healthy, nurturing relationships can help improve your emotional intelligence.
Sleep - Not getting adequate sleep or perhaps getting too much sleep can impair your E.Q.
Exercise - Not getting enough active, aerobic exercise can impact the level of your E.Q.
Nutrition - Many studies reveal a link between proper nutrition and brain function.
Lastly, THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IS SIMPLY…
THE WAY YOU THINK!!
How you think about situations as they happen to you, really does affect who you are. How you practice your thinking about those situations and events, whether in or out of your control, is the greatest indicator of the level of emotional intelligence you will have. That is really what cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is all about and why it is so important for us to learn and practice. If we can practice controlling our automatic negative thoughts, our lies and misbeliefs, it will raise our emotional intelligence and ultimately strengthen our characters.
More on this topic is sure to come…
For more information about emotional intelligence check out these books below or click here for a more comprehensive list.
Check out this E.Q. book list for young children here.
See my featured children's book from issue no. 1 Newsletter with processing questions for care givers to engage their children in E.Q. training
Want more on Emotional Intelligence?
Check out the annual Emotional Intelligence Summit; an annual continuing educational conference founded by Dr. Neil Nedley. The summit involves various speakers highly regarded in the field of mental health to discuss topics pertaining to a theme of emotional intelligence. Click here for more information.
References:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence Retrieved 15 Aug. 2018
Aker MD, Porter GL. “Your EQ Skills: Got What It Takes?” Journal of Accountancy (2003).
Nedley, N. The Lost Art of Thinking. Nedley Publishing. 2011. 15-16.
https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Recommendations-for-Childrens-Media-Use.aspx. Retrieved 18 Aug. 2018