photo credit: @loveandlarock
Welcome to the blog series: Top Challenges of a “New” Mumma that Potentially Trigger Some Major Cognitive Distortions
Challenge #2: The Recovery
After such a glorious and momentous occasion of birthing your newest addition it’s hard to imagine complaining about anything. As you gaze into the precious face of your little one while in awe of God’s miracle, the last thing you want is to dwell on the aches and pains. Yet here you are…
Wrecked is often a word I say during this stage of becoming a new mom. People ask “how are you feeling?” and the first word that often comes to my mind besides elated is WRECKED!
The truth is if the birth didn’t completely wipe you out then the recovery stage will really try you! There’s no question about it. Whether you squeezed out your “healthy” baby vaginally or laid in the crucifixion position while undergoing major surgery, your body just went through a heck of a lot!!! Many of us moms are tempted with a whole lot of distortions in this phase of motherhood. This is especially the case for the first few weeks. If you are in the throes of recovery right now, hang in there. I know for me, having all my babies via C-section (Challenge #1: The Birth Plan) it takes about 3 weeks before I start feeling human again. I’m not a very patient patient. I get restless with recovery, not giving myself much grace in the healing process.
C-sections are no joke. They are super painful and controlling your pain with medication typically causes a whole slew of other problems. I know I struggled especially with this last C-section I had. During my first week of recovery I became agitated and tearful that I couldn’t move the way I wanted to. It is tough when your standards remain high, not cutting yourself a break and letting go of some things. Worst of all, I would worry about it’s effect on my older girls. I felt guilty not being able to cuddle my 3 and 4 year old “babies” the way I wanted to. I couldn’t pick them up when they were crying or wanted a hug. I didn’t like them seeing me that way but I had to remind myself that I could use this difficult time to teach them how to handle a challenging and frustrating situation.
I had to remember that if they didn’t experience me this way then I wouldn’t have noticed the beautiful, small and precious moments we shared. I wouldn’t have learned that my four year old could voluntarily offer up her hand to help me as I snailed my way up the stairs into our house. I wouldn’t have learned that my almost three year old could ask if my “tummy owie” was feeling better each day. I wouldn’t have learned that both my girls could pray for “mommy to feel better” as they would cling to their trust in the healing power of Jesus. I held onto those moments as hard as I could when I was most discouraged about all the change, just desperate to feel like myself again.
Feeling alone in this stage I decided to reach out to friends on social media, asking them if they were willing to share their most difficult postpartum recovery symptoms. I was moved as I read through their raw, vulnerable, brave responses while realizing I was in fact not alone. I also recognized how important it is to talk about our similar challenges and how incredibly uplifting it can be to share our experiences with one another. I first shared with them my most difficult symptoms: Pain from surgery and body aches, anemia and nausea, swelling, GI issues and constipation and finally, sleep deprivation.
Here’s what the ladies shared:
memory loss, heavy bleeding, excessive hair loss, poor bladder control, pelvic pain, constipation, incontinence, c-section pain, sleep deprivation, crying spells, raw and sore nipples, hemorrhoids, breathlessness, loss of appetite, vaginal/ perineal pain from tearing, rollercoaster emotions, crazy hormones, feelings of inadequacy, swelling, postpartum blues, body image challenges, postpartum contractions, anemic symptoms, brain fog, back pain, diastasis recti, sleep problems, feeling totally overwhelmed, numbness in body, carpal tunnel, loneliness and isolation, weak pelvic floor, anxiety, worry about returning to work, unexpected change in birth plan trauma, hematoma, feeling tied down, mastitis, postpartum depression, stress hives, fevers, milk supply challenges, total exhaustion physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am sure you can think of even more!
Side note: I have to say that being 2 months out of the recovery phase I’ve already started to forget some of the hard parts. However, when you are in it, the discouragement is very REAL and debilitating at times.
I found out a lot of my distorted thoughts were: “I can’t handle this.” “This is too hard.” “I don’t like my girls seeing me like this. I’m afraid it will traumatize them.” “I can’t be the mom I want to be when I’m like this.” “I feel out of control and it’s TERRIBLE!”
Stop for a moment with me and try to refute these… How can you challenge those thoughts?
Truth: “I can handle this although it is very hard. I’ve gotten through hard experiences before and I know with some help I can get through this too.” “I don’t like my girls to see me in pain but I can use this experience to teach them. I can encourage their empathetic souls to reflect and help others in need.” “They may feel sad but it won’t traumatize them, especially if I help them process it.” “I may not be able to do things that I regularly do but it won’t always be this way. This is just a moment in time.” “It’s okay to feel out of control. Nobody is dying, I can practice feeling uncomfortable and knowing that it’s okay. It’s definitely NOT terrible.” “Recovery feels awful right now but this moment will soon pass. Each day gets easier and by God’s grace I will get stronger. ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ Phillippians 4:13”
One of the days I wasn’t being kind to myself, I ran into a post written by Joanna Gaines. She was encouraging others to find simple ways to connect with their kids. Showing up with them in those small but significant moments.
“I write all this for any of you out there who may experience “mom-guilt”. I promise you that’s a never ending cycle that leads to nowhere. Replace the word guilt with grace. Look for grace in the moments, the small wins that lead to the greatest investments in their little hearts.
From one mom to another, stop being so hard on yourself. Don’t spend another second focusing on failure, instead use whatever time and whatever energy you have and look for the moments where grace can be found. Because I’m telling you, this grace is sufficient.” ~Joanna Gaines
It was a beautiful reminder to be more gentle with myself.
There are many opinions out there of how to combat this challenging stage of recovery but I’m going to give you just two.
Talk about it! You are not alone but you will feel very alone at times. I was so grateful to have other mommies express their postpartum symptom struggles. I had been feeling so alone with mine, scared and overwhelmed. Their vulnerable responses online were moving and it was healing. We are not alone; We are stronger when we realize we have been in “this” together and when we can support one another.
Every day, focus your thoughts on what is working. My husband would ask me periodically “What is going well?” I would try to ask myself “what can I be grateful for?” Be specific and get creative with your gratitude and it will significantly elevate your mood.
If there is one thing I want you to remember from this post, is that it’s normal, despite being a super challenging stage! It’s okay. Give yourself permission to cry a little. Just don’t dwell on it. It’s been hard for me too BUT…
Amidst all of this, I simply look down at this precious little miracle and it truly is all worth it. I’m in awe of her and this moment we get to share together. As I pull her in closer to my chest and draw in a breath of her sweet newborn scent, I tell myself “by God’s grace and with His strength we will get through this.” This is but a moment in time… and when it starts to feel overwhelming and dark? It’s okay. I can simply turn the guilt into grace and immediately I feel less wrecked!
Blessings,
Krystin
P.S. Stay tuned for Challenge #3: Fed is Best
photo credit: @loveandlarock