photo credit: Where Bluebirds Fly Photography
To wrap up this blog series I think it’s important to touch on some of the advice others feel the need to give, whether or not it is warranted. Some people have good intentions with their advice. Others want to justify their own choices made. Whatever the case, study for yourself and make the best decision for your family.
Nothing can fire up a mom or dad more than getting unsolicited parenting advice that threatens their way of doing things. It wouldn’t necessarily be all that bad if we could commit ourselves to taking or leaving comments; keeping decisions pertinent only to our family. That can sometimes be difficult. Especially when the advice given gets confusing because it seems to contradict itself. Just when you think you’ve heard one side, another opinion pushes back. Check out some contradicting parenting opinions below.
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It’s okay to let your baby cry. In fact, it’s healthier.
vs.
Never let your baby cry! It’s emotionally damaging and basically neglectful on your part.
Definitely cloth diapers! Save the environment!
vs.
Don’t be a hippie… you end up using regular diapers anyway.
Never GMO, ONLY organic! Do you want to give your baby cancer?
vs.
I was raised on Fruit Loops and look at me!
Your baby shouldn’t have stranger anxiety. You need to get out more.
vs.
Don’t just hand off your baby. He needs to bond with you. Plus, there are predators everywhere!
Reflux? Let baby sleep in a swing.
vs.
Never leave your baby sleeping in a swing. She could asphyxiate!
What a sweet baby! You’re gonna have more right?
vs.
If you don’t want them close together you should be on some birth control right now.
Why do you always carry him around in that pouch? It looks like you’re suffocating him.
vs.
Keep your baby close if you don’t want her to have attachment issues.
Start solids as soon as you can. The fuller baby is, the better she’ll sleep.
vs.
Sleep cycles are not dependent on hunger cycles.
Breastfeed as much as you can. Baby needs to be soothed and nourished often.
vs.
Don’t breastfeed before naps. You don’t want to become the pacifier.
Introduce a pacifier early but not the Soothies kind with the animal, they’ll go cross-eyed.
vs.
Don’t give your baby a pacifier. Nipple confusion!
Help your baby communicate early by teaching baby sign language.
vs.
Don’t teach signing. It will delay their speech.
Vaccinate! How could you be so irresponsible to endanger others?
vs.
Why would you ever put harmful chemicals and toxins in your child?
Water births! Home births are the most honorable and noble types of labor.
vs.
Hospitals are the only safest way. Do you want to put you and your baby at risk?
You let your kids eat dead animals? Don’t you know that causes cancer?
vs.
You don’t eat meat? How does your child get enough protein?
Why would anyone bring their sick kid to church to expose other children?
vs.
My kid has been snotty for weeks. Get over it!
Breast milk is the absolute best for your baby. Great job!
vs.
Are you still breastfeeding? When do you plan to stop? Please don’t do it in public.
If baby won’t settle, pull him into bed so you can nurse and get some sleep.
vs.
Never co-sleep. You could kill your baby!
(for more hilarious sleep contradicting advice read this)
Let your baby get some sun.
vs.
NOOOOO! Don’t use that sunscreen. Are you trying to poison him?
Breastfeeding is exhausting and really hard. Don’t pressure yourself.
vs.
Formula is evil.
Don’t forget how important self-care is.
vs.
But don’t leave your baby, that’s selfish!
Sleep train or he’ll never really learn to sleep well.
vs.
Never sleep train your baby if you want her to have good attachment and not have any emotional problems.
You must stay at home with your children for them to be healthy and intelligent.
vs.
You should take your kids to daycare. How will they ever learn to socialize?
If your kids watch anything on a screen they are frying their brain.
vs.
We all grew up on T.V. and we’re fine. How else can I get anything done around here?
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As funny as some of these might be, we can relate to them. Maybe you have once been triggered by “Aunt Betty’s input” on breastfeeding.
Remember, we cannot escape our triggers and our initial distortions but we CAN control our thoughts and beliefs. Glean what you can from others but stay true to yourself. Study what you aren’t sure about and deliberate over pros and cons with your spouse. Pray about it too.
"For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”
Matthew 7:8
If you get too confused and begin to worry about messing it all up, remember that kids are more resilient than that. You can only grow if you make mistakes from time to time. I promise, your kid won’t remember you as being neglectful or attempting to give him cancer.
With occasional exceptions, try to be open-minded, learn new things and together with your spouse make the best decisions for your family. Then trust that it IS the best for your family and feel confident about your choices.
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I hope you have enjoyed this blog series and through it have learned to:
Find joy from your birth experience even when it didn’t fit your original plan.
Take the time to heal during recovery and choose to think about what is working well.
Feed your baby whatever way you are able to. Guilt is not helpful, releasing your need for control is.
Accept the challenges of hormones, sleep deprivation and settling in as a new family.
Find ways to involve the siblings so they want to “send her back” less often.
Strike the best balance you can. You will feel stretched thin. Guilt is not a friend. Instead, look to the smaller moments for peace and contentment.
Embrace your changed body. Have goals but don’t compare. Learn to practice self-acceptance phrases more.
Accept this season as challenging within the marriage. Work on small ways to (re)connect with your spouse. Keep fighting for each other and choose love everyday.
Finally,
Take the parenting advice you want to implement and leave the rest. Make informative decisions that are best for your family and feel confident about your choices.
~Mostly, I hope out of this series you feel encouraged to treasure your precious baby, enjoy the season for what it is, and trust Jesus more fully on your journey!
To explore these in further detail find the start to the series here.
Lastly, I want to mention that if you are struggling in this journey of motherhood and feel overwhelmed beyond the hormonal changes and sleep deprivation, etc. you may want to assess your anxiety and/or depression to rule out postpartum depression (PPD). It’s a condition that affects 10-20% of women after birth. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP!
For more information: https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/features/postpartum-problems
photo credit: Where Bluebirds Fly Photography